They're Not Even Polishing the Turds Anymore: Oakland Raiders

OAKLAND RAIDERS

BRAGGING RIGHTS

Al Davis has owned the Raiders since the start.  And in that time, they’ve won 3 Superbowls and two more AFC Championships.  The terms “Commitment to Excellence” and “Just Win Baby” were made famous by the Raiders.  (Can you young 'uns believe that one?)

WHERE IT ALL STARTED TO GO WRONG

Well, Big Al is effectively in charge of personnel.  And in free agent and draft terms, that’s been a total disaster.

But worse had been the coaching situation, again, brought about by Big Al. 

He hounded the good coaches - Mike Shanahan (two Superbowls in his next job), John Gruden (one Superbowl in his next job and three playoffs with the Raiders) and Lane Kiffin (who he famously fired by overhead projector) - out.

He hired….

Bill Callaghan – who took just two years to short-sheet Gruden’s bed.

Norv Turner – who looked totally aimless on the sideline while the team went 9 and 23.

Art Shell – who hadn’t coached in 12 years and hired a bed-and-breakfast owner as offensive coordinator in going 2-14.

Tom Cable – well he’s still there (not because they’ve started winning of course), but he’s had some strife with accusations of wife, girlfriend and assistant coach beating (in that order we think).  Cables strength appears to be that he’s a sycophant.

WHAT THEY DID TO GET SO GOOD THIS YEAR

If you’ve been following our weekly updates (and I know you haven’t from the WebStats I get), or if you have any knowledge of the NFL, you’ll know they can’t draft, annually have their pants pulled down in a trade with the Patriots, overpay free agents they then have to release (Javon Walker, De’Angelo Hall), and Cable himself seems to be, in head coaching terms, as dumb as a box of rocks.

WHERE THEY ARE NOW

They’re 2-7.  One of those games they beat the Eagles…. No-one’s got any fucking idea how that happened, but it’s surely gambling-related. 

But the best is almost certainly yet to come.  No-one dogs a game like the Raiders.  If it looks a little tough early, they’re packing up.  Wait until it starts to get cold, they’re gonna really stink.

WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE

Al, you gotta retire.  You silly old bastard.

And stop fucking up my Sundays.  Turds.