I am in a muddle. I love two women. One is my ex.-girlfriend who wants to come back to me, the other is my current girlfriend. Both are lovely women, but feel more spiritually attached to my ex. I am unable to make a decision. Do you have any tips?
Wow - where to start?
First - and I can't believe you can spend any time reading my blog and not get this, but you are a complete wet lettuce. Who the fuck describes potential partners as "lovely"? What relevance is who you feel more "spiritually attached to"? I mean, I've got absolutely no faith that even if we figure out the right thing for you to do that you'll have the testicles to make an actual decison, or god forbid, act on it, you pansy.
Second - you didn't provide any information that would be relevant to me making a decision for you. I mean there's no nude photos, there's no cup sizes, no thing shots. But that's OK, I can still steer you in the right direction, because this is an easy one.
Just work your way through this - I'll take you through it step by step. Work through them in this order - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO JUSTIFY AN EARLIER REPONSE WITH A LATER RESPONSE... they work only in this order.
OK:
* Is there any chance they'll buy a Hefner-type situaiton where you move them both in? (This only works if you're rich, and they are hot and dumb - otherwise it's just wierd).
* Any chance of getting a three-way before you blow it with one or both of them?
(This only works if you're rich, and they're drunk and dumb - otherwise, it's just wierd).
* Does one of them have A GREAT ASS!!!!?
(If so, and she seems to have habits that will ensure that ass stays great for a while, then we have a winner. Stop right here).
* Does one of them have a fat ass?
(Easy call - eliminate her. If they both have fat asses, eliminate them both and move on - otherwise, it's just awful. Nothing destroys a man's spirit more than a fat ass.)
* Does she say things like "I can't wait to have children"?
(I hope to God I don't have to explain this one to you. Children are wonderful, I'm sure... but if you're good enough to have two women on the hop, they're a real downer.)
* Does one of them talk about her relatives in a way that makes them or their opinions seems important to her, or in a way that seems to indicate you'll be spending a lot of time with her family?
(If so, clear elimination point. Clear recipe for disaster - this will just mean more idiots giving her bad advice, ignoring your advice, and for you to have to attend boring events for. It's just mind-numbing)
* Does one of them give incredible blow-jobs?
(If so, take that one... take her now. You're only going to be getting these until she forces you to marry her, but in the meantime, why the hell would you want an average blow-job - I mean, it's just awful.)
There's no eliminators past that because 1) if the both have average asses and don't give incredible blow-jobs, then you've really got to move on, and 2) it is a statistical impossibility for two women with incredible asses to give great blow-jobs to one man who can't get them both to move in with him, so you've made a mistake somewhere.
OK, so there's some things that you've got to be careful of... things that you see in one, but not the other. Don't be folled by these - if you have seen them in one, it's only a case of "YET":
* spending money on useless things.
* wanting to move along the chess board of a relationship 3 steps before you do.
* having annoying friends.
* watching awful televisions shows.
* refusing to give you a blow job while the game's on.
* insisting you stay in and not go out with your friends.
* setting fire to something of yours when you go on a three day bender.
I'm sure this helped. But if it didn't, send me nude pics of both.
If you’d like some of this sparkling advice, email us here at the site. I’m kidding, there’s only me. And I’ll answer it whenever I feel like it.
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