DAAG, 66, found with stripper, 18, and sex toys in cemetery

From the Sydney Morning Herald

A US Deputy Assistant Attorney-General, who said he was on his lunch break when an officer found him with a stripper and sex toys in his sport utility vehicle, has been fired.

Roland Corning, 66, a former state legislator, was in a secluded part of a downtown cemetery in Columbia, South Carolina, when an officer spotted him on Monday, according to a police report.

As the officer approached, Mr Corning sped off, then pulled over a few blocks away. He and the 18-year-old woman with him, an employee of the Platinum Plus Gentleman's Club, gave conflicting stories about what they were doing in the cemetery, Officer Michael Wines wrote in his report, though he did not elaborate.

Mr Corning gave Officer Wines a badge showing he worked for the state Attorney-General's Office.

Officer Wines, whose wife also works there, called her to make sure Mr Corning was telling the truth.

He then searched the SUV, where he found a Viagra pill and several sex toys, items Mr Corning said he always kept with him, "just in case", according to the report.

Mr Corning and the woman were let go without charges. Officer Wines's wife reported the call to her supervisor, who told Attorney-General Henry McMaster.

Wow…. If I had a pound for every time I took a stripper from a club to a secluded part of a downtown cemetery with a Viagra and a glovebox full of sex toys and got busted by the cops…well, then I’d have three pounds.  I know I know, you’d think I would have learned my lesson after the first time.  You know how the saying goes, “Fool me once…”

But I tell you what I never did have was “Snitchin’” Mrs Wines on the spot to dob me in to my boss and get me fired! Sure, it was a bit tough having the wife testify in court the toys were hers and me pull an Eddie Murphy and say I was taking the young lass to visit her dead aunt, but I never lost my job behind it.  I know who I’d be putting in the cemetery next.

P.S.  Just the same - how good is Roland Corning going though?  66 years old, and he’s still keeping Viagra and sex toys in an emergency “break glass” kit “just in case” he pulls a stripper.  I mean this guy’s got it going on better than that old bastard who married Anna Nicole Smith.  He must be like “who gives a fuck”… he’s gotta be six months from retirement anyway.