Wife Allergic to Husband's Sperm

From the Daily Telegraph....

Julie Boyde's wedding night was ruined when she discovered she was allergic to her husband Mike's sperm. 

The couple had been lovers for two years before they got married and decided to have unprotected sex for the first time on their wedding night.  Almost immediately the bride was in unbearable pain. She found out it was because of Mike's sperm.
Plans of conceiving a baby have had to be abandoned reluctantly as it seems Julie's own body destroys the sperm.
Mike, 27, and Julie, 26, from Ambridge, Pennsylvania, started going out while at university and became engaged two years later. They wanted to consummate their union on their wedding night.
"The pain that I was feeling was inside, like somebody sticking needles up inside of me like a real painful burning.
"It was really scary."
After numerous medical tests, the couple were eventually told that Julie suffers from seminal plasma hypersensitivity, which affects thousands of women in Australia.

Well, I personally thought I’d heard every single reason there was not to have sex.  Headaches, gotta wash my hair, I’m away that day, I’ve got a headache, I’m still sore from the gym, the 28 day period, my parents might hear, your parents might hear, the teacher might hear, you’re under a restraining order, I’ve got a headache…. 

And we’d all complained at bars with our fellow married brethren about how the tap inexplicably went off when the wedding cake was cut.  On every single one of us!  Who’d have thought!  And we warned the young ‘uns, but they didn’t listen, and they “settled down” too, because “things are so great”.

But I’ve never seen this much ingenuity before in my life.  All those other excuses don’t hold water to a unique combination of alcohol and pity – I mean you can still get the occasional bit of action a good 3, maybe 4 times a year if you whine enough.

But I’ve got to hand it to Julie Broyde here – this is unique.  Julie’s probably framed the doctor’s certificate above the bed, with a special light next to it.  “Allergic to your sperm”. 

I love the timing too.  She “found out on her wedding night she was allergic to sperm.”  Like the bitch is getting anyone to marry her if the cat’s out the bag on that one.  No-one’s buying it before your married – I mean no way.  You’re just moving straight on – Next!

Now what’s Mike to do?  He’s going to be a leper for running off after she’s got this out to every news agency in the world.  Basically, Mike’s fucked. 

But Mike, for what it’s worth, it was coming anyway.  It was just gong to include a wider raft of excuses, and take a little longer.  She’s just saved you both some time, and by the looks of her, you ain’t missing much.  You can just move on now to your own excuses – why you’re staying up an hour later than her at night, why there’s a box under the garage she hasn’t seen before, why you and your buddies go out on a Wednesday night for “poker” where you miraculously lose $100 every week and get some glitter off the cards, and why you’re on the internet 4 hours a day.

You’re a man now.